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Brothers, here is Volume 9 of Chapin’s Inferno—a wandering cauldron of conservative commentary—and it concerns Tiger Woods and PC.

By Craig J. Cantoni

This season’s Super Bowl will be played about 10 miles from my home in Scottsdale, Ariz. In one of the silliest gestures produced by the unwarranted mass hysteria over global warming, the host stadium is planting trees to counteract carbon dioxide produced by the game.

If global warming is truly man-caused, and if environmental catastrophe is as imminent as Al “Zinc Mine” Gore says, then the Super Bowl should be cancelled. After all, what’s more important: a football game or the inundation of Florida and death of life as we know it?

Consider the carbon dioxide produced by fans flying on jet aircraft to Phoenix from around the country for the game: Assuming that 40,000 will do so, the carbon dioxide spewed in the air by jet engines could total more than 40 million pounds, or more than 1,000 lbs. per passenger.

No doubt, some of the 40,000 are wealthy left-liberal greens who idolize Mr. Zinc Mine and throw their empty Perrier bottles in the recycling can in his honor. Then they spew 1,000 lbs. of carbon dioxide into the air to fly to something as unessential as a football game. Their hypocrisy is as astonishing as the hypocrisy of gaseous Gore, who flies around the world instead of teleconferencing.

Similarly, take the example of a green guy from San Francisco who has corresponded with me about global warming. He’s so distressed about the destruction of the planet that he wants a world government to dictate the reduction of greenhouse gases. He also thinks that tribal life in New Guinea is superior to life in a democratic, capitalistic, industrialized society.

This is a guy who has visited New Guinea and has climbed Mt. Everest and other peaks on other continents. Just one of his trips produced more carbon dioxide than what a big SUV spews in six months.

Maybe his world government will execute mountain climbers for befouling the planet. Or maybe it will outlaw Super Bowls.

If I were czar of the world, I’d ban Super Bowls, not because I believe that humans cause global warming, but because I think the games don’t match the hype and are played by goons, who, if they were fighting in the Roman Coliseum, would hear me rooting for the lions.

Hmm, come to think of it, how will the world government determine whose ox should be Al Gored in a futile attempt to end global warming? The answer is that the determination will be made by political calculations, just as they are now.

Al Gore is not a master scientist, but he is a master politician (and demagogue). He would never suggest canceling the Super Bowl, because he knows that working stiffs would get angry if their bread and circus were taken away. Instead, he advocates measures that hurt working stiffs without them realizing that he is responsible for the hurt.

For example, now that he has achieved fame and fortune with the help of his family’s zinc mine, Gore advocates measures that will have the indirect effect of closing mines and putting miners out of work. He can count on his fellow propagandists in the mainstream media to not connect the dots for the proletariat.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s a good idea to plant trees. I’d like to plant one in Al Gore’s behind.

An author and columnist, Mr. Cantoni can be reached at ccan2@aol.com.

(This article is based on a government study obtained by the National Association of Chiefs of Police.)

The abuse of anabolic steroids by teenagers — that is, their use without a prescription — is a national health concern.

Anabolic steroids are synthetic forms of the hormone testosterone that can be taken orally, injected, or rubbed on the skin. Although a 2006 survey funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) found that less than 3 percent of 12th graders had abused anabolic steroids, it also found that about 40 percent of 12th graders described anabolic steroids as “fairly easy” or “very easy” to get.

The abuse of anabolic steroids can cause serious health effects and behavioral changes in teenagers. GAO was asked to examine federally funded efforts to address the abuse of anabolic steroids among teenagers and to review available research on this issue. To do this work, GAO reviewed federal agency materials and published studies identified through a literature review and interviewed federal officials and other experts.

There are two categories of federally funded efforts that address teenage abuse of anabolic steroids. Efforts are either designed to focus on preventing the abuse of anabolic steroids among teenagers or are broader and designed to prevent substance abuse in general –which can include abuse of anabolic steroids among teenagers.

Two programs that received federal funding during their development and testing, Athletes Training and Learning to Avoid Steroids (ATLAS) and Athletes Targeting Healthy Exercise & Nutrition Alternatives (ATHENA), are designed to focus on preventing or reducing teen abuse of anabolic steroids through use of gender-specific student-led curricula.

In addition, there are various research efforts and education and outreach activities that focus on this issue. Two federal grant programs — the Office of National Drug Control Policy’s Drug-Free Communities Support program and the Department of Education’s School-Based Student Drug Testing program — are designed to support state and local efforts to prevent substance abuse in general and may include anabolic steroid abuse among teenagers as part of the programs’ substance abuse prevention efforts.

In 2007, about one-quarter of more than 700 Drug-Free Communities Support program grantees reported that they were addressing steroid abuse as one of their program’s objectives.

Almost half of the 16 studies reviewed identified certain risk factors and behaviors linked to the abuse of anabolic steroids among teenagers. Several of these studies found connections between anabolic steroid abuse and risk factors such as use of other drugs, risky sexual behaviors, and aggressive behaviors. Most of the other studies were assessments of the ATLAS and ATHENA prevention programs and in general suggested that the programs may reduce abuse of anabolic steroids and other drugs among high school athletes immediately following participation in the programs.

Experts identified gaps in the research addressing teenage abuse of anabolic steroids. Experts identified a lack of conclusive evidence of the sustained effectiveness over time of available prevention programs, for example at 1 year following participants’ completion of the programs.

Experts also identified gaps in the research on the long-term health effects of initiating anabolic steroid abuse as a teenager–including research on effects that may be particularly harmful in teens–and in research on psychological effects of anabolic steroid abuse.

Jim Kouri, CPP is currently fifth vice-president of the National Association of Chiefs of Police and he’s a staff writer for the New Media Alliance (thenma.org). Kouri also serves as political advisor for Emmy and Golden Globe winning actor Michael Moriarty.

He’s former chief at a New York City housing project in Washington Heights nicknamed “Crack City” by reporters covering the drug war in the 1980s. In addition, he served as director of public safety at a New Jersey university and director of security for several major organizations. He’s also served on the National Drug Task Force and trained police and security officers throughout the country. Kouri writes for many police and security magazines including Chief of Police, Police Times, The Narc Officer and others. He’s a news writer for TheConservativeVoice.Com and PHXnews.com. He’s also a columnist for AmericanDaily.Com, MensNewsDaily.Com, MichNews.Com, and he’s syndicated by AXcessNews.Com. He’s appeared as on-air commentator for over 100 TV and radio news and talk shows including Oprah, McLaughlin Report, CNN Headline News, MTV, Fox News, etc. His book Assume The Position is available at Amazon.Com. Kouri’s own website is located at http://jimkouri.us

No, the poker boom has not ended. Each year, publishers and writers attempt to take advantage of a sizable minority of readers interested in poker and gambling. Occasionally, among the strategy tomes and memoirs, is a book which tells you the basics. Kelli Mix’s recently released, The Game Day Poker Almanac Official Rules of Poker, purports to do exactly that.

BC: Kelli, nice to meet you and congratulations on the almanac. Can you explain why this book would have any appeal for an experienced poker player? In other words, what do you offer them that they don’t already know?

Kelli Mix: Experienced players often understand basic rules such as: an over chip with no verbal action constitutes a call, not a raise. Most, however, do not know the intricacies of the rules and how they change depending on location and game format. I commonly hear experienced players make inaccurate comments such as, “Show one show all,” when a player reveals one card at the end of the hand, or “He cannot play his hand face-up – his hand is dead.” Or a favorite controversy in many games: “You cannot ask to see my called hand if you were not in the hand.” It is a lot of information to remember. This book is a good reference for decision making and pointing out that yes, he can ask to see your hand – it is an etiquette violation, but not a rule violation.

BC: Much of this is based on Robert’s (Bob Ciaffone’s) Rules of Poker? How much here is original? If a player already has Mr. Ciaffone’s book then why should he buy yours?

Kelli Mix: Robert’s Rules of Poker provides detailed rules, but not actual instructions. It is one instrumental piece of the pie. It was a great grocery store that we converted to a Super Walmart. The Game Day Almanac Official Rules of Poker provides step-by-step instructions on how to set up a cardroom, select a game in a cardroom, deal and play each game of poker. Robert’s rules are the guidelines (in live games) to follow AFTER these other steps are established. In addition, we added TDA rules, WSOP rules and about the most extensive etiquette and glossary sections you will find. One stop shopping for rules.

BC: You have a section on the World Series of Poker rules. For those readers who only know that version of the game (due to their watching the event on ESPN), what differs between it and your average tournament?

Kelli Mix: The average tournament is much different than what is shown on television. The standard poker tournament table consists of ten players rather than the six shown at the final table of a televised event. Less players at the table increase the number of hands played and induce aggressive action at the table. This combined with the fact that hours and hours of dull play is heavily edited to only show action hands, leads to a misperception about poker that is very costly to the inexperienced player.

BC: There’s a section on poker etiquette here. Most of us think that is certainly needed. At any rate, do you think manners have declined in recent years? If so, how much is due to the effect of television?

Kelli Mix: More people are playing poker than ever before and most of them are novices to the game. Lack of poker etiquette is usually the mark of an inexperienced player, not a regular player, so no, manners are not declining - the number of new players is rising. Those new players need to learn proper poker etiquette through books and table time. While it can be annoying when players act out of turn or school others on how they should have played a hand, I watch them, laugh with them, sometimes grit my teeth, but ultimately I take their chips.

BC: You cover a plethora of games in this text. Which others, apart from hold’em, are in ascendance? Also, which games are practically extinct?

Kelli Mix: All of the games played at the World Series of Poker (denoted by an * in the book) are played in most casinos – some games more than others. Hold ’em and Omaha are by far the most popular right now. Any version of community card poker could become popular because it allows for more players at the table, making it more profitable and space efficient for casinos. For home games high/low declare games are popular and more players are learning to play Chinese poker, while waiting for the table to fill. As far as extinct games – you would be hard pressed to find draw games such as five-card draw, though ironically it is the first form of poker most people learn.

BC: In your opinion, what is the breakdown between skill and luck in poker? Furthermore, which games are most skill dependent and which ones are most influenced by luck?

Kelli Mix: Poker is game of strategy that involves timing, patience, mathematics and psychology. Those players who study, practice and master these skills (yes skills) will prevail. In my opinion, games with multiple betting rounds are more skill dependent. I also find games such as Seven-Card Stud that add memorization of cards to the strategy heavily dependent on skill. Really any additional decisions a player has to make adds to the level of skill needed, for example, no-limit games force players to decide what to bet - that is an extra decision not needed in a limit game. Mixed games such as H.O.R.S.E are absolutely the most skill dependent because players must be able to strategize and adapt their play for each game. As far as luck goes, I know of no form of poker that does not require some element of skill. Even in the simple form of Indian poker with only one betting round, the player with the best psychological read and bluffing ability will win most of the time.

BC: Why is it more states don’t follow California’s example and make cardrooms legal? Could it be due to the fact that most people still think of poker as being a casino game of chance? One that’s little different from roulette and blackjack?

Kelli Mix: Well, that is the magic question…I wish I had a magic answer. I believe there are several factors involved, but I do not believe it is a “game of chance” issue. The ever-growing popularity of The Lotto simply refutes that theory. I live in the south and what I see and hear is opposition to change and the fear of legalizing something that has been illegal for so long. The banning of cardrooms and online poker is ironically creating an influx of illegal activity…more underground games are popping up and attracting criminals who are robbing games at gun point and taking advantage of the law, knowing players will not call the police. Legalize poker, provide a safe outlet, then tax it – it’s a win/win.

BC: As a player, do you think online poker remains profitable in America? Do you think the government’s stance will ever reverse?

Kelli Mix: Yes it is still profitable, but of course with the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act, profits have declined for online sites, financial institutes, as well as for players. I believe government will absolutely reverse their stance on this issue. The fact is 75% of Americans are opposed to banning online poker and billions of dollars in tax revenue is being lost…it is not logical to ignore those figures.

Bernard Chapin is the author of Women: Theory and Practice and Escape from Gangsta Island. He can be contacted at veritaseducation@gmail.com.